LEAN INTO IT - A Personal Story of How Anti-Gay Violence Has ...

As a kid growing up in a small town of Wisconsin, my life should have been idyllic? - great parents, a middle to upper middle class lifestyle, a large pine forest and the Wisconsin River in my backyard and tons of neighborhood friends eager to while away the weekends and summers playing outdoor games, swimming in the local creek and building rickety tree forts.

But underneath this veneer of joy was an ongoing terror? - my abusive older brother John. This wasn?t just a case of sibling rivalry, rather it was a life lived in sheer terror. John would chase me around the house for no reason, call me names (usually: ?femme?) and beat me til I was literally black and blue. Since we unfortunately shared a bedroom, John would also do things like wake me up in the middle of the night by screaming at me and shaking me awake. He would also hide behind the living room couch and tape record me when I would act out TV shows (?Bewitched?, naturally). He?d then play it for my friends in the neighborhood. When you?re an adult, having someone share your private stuff is called having a press agent. When you?re a kid, it?s just humiliating.

My parents would scold him and my dad, a big burly man himself, would chase him around the house when John would deliver a particularly brutal beat-down. Unfortunately as my dad worked a lot, discipline for my brother?s bad behavior was usually left to my mom, a borderline shut-in with agoraphobia who, while infinitely charming and fun, had no self confidence to mete out punishment. My older sister would alternately try to stop him and simply walk away leaving us to sort it out.

Given that I was a thin, small artistic child, the best defense that I could hope for was to try to avoid him as much as possible. I would go upstairs when he was downstairs, and downstairs when he was up. I also eventually moved into my sister?s room when she went to college. Since my brother repeatedly called me a ?femme? in his beatings, moving into my sister?s pink bedroom seemed to be the perfect irony.

My school life was similar but far less dramatic. I was teased but it was the usual ?fag? stuff and the beating was more verbal than actual. But it hurt just as much. More, in fact. I could try to avoid my brother, but I still had to go to school every day and sit in classes with kids who would terrorize me on the playground.

I think it?s reasonable that when faced with severe consequences for being different, most kids simply go with the flow and become the ?same? as everyone else. I think that since I was already on the outside because of my home life, I made some sort of subconscious decision to simply lean into my interests. Not avoid them. Not be embarrassed by them. But to embrace them. To lean into them.

I joined the choir and the band and, over time, met other kids who enjoyed pop culture and all the fun ?nerd? stuff that I think makes life interesting.

I liked the Muppets so in 1980 I was the kid who went around school with a petition to get Miss Piggy on the ballot for President, and, a year later, I was the kid on whose hand a Miss Piggy puppet showed up in the middle of the choir?s Christmas concert. (?God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen? has never been the same for everyone who attended that concert LOL).

I liked to draw so my best friend and I approached the local weekly paper to write and draw an ongoing comic strip that ended up running for two years.

And I joined the after school drama group ? I won leads in one acts and musicals in junior high and high school and even at one point won an Outstanding Actor award at a state competition. I was Rachel before Lea Michele was even born.

From there I went to college, came out, went to graduate school, worked in children?s theatre, was a peer educator with the Stop AIDS Project in Chicago, took chances, sought adventure and eventually, found my voice in my writing as well as a producer and emcee of fundraising events benefiting LGBT organizations through unconventional means (and a quick Google search will tell you everything you need to know if you don?t already!).

I now am starting a new path ? officiating at same-sex weddings.

Although my own family abandoned me when I came out, I am honored to be the one to glue two people together in love. I have had an unconventional life but I?m grateful that I long ago, learned to lean into it and enjoy it.

Growing up is a funny thing ? we carry the coping mechanisms of getting through childhood with us for years and years ? sometimes even after they are no longer necessary. For us in the LGBT community who spent our formative years being bullied, we constantly look at life through a defensive lens ? wondering, when?s the next attack coming? It?s a terrible way to live and it takes a lot to make many of us feel safe ? even at home and in relationships.

The Gay/Lesbian Anti-Violence Project has been one of my favorite organizations for many years. I support it not just because it?s staffed by awesome people who really care about the LGBT community, but also because it?s doing the work that needs to be done to record, battle, tamp down and eventually, hopefully, to erase the violence directed towards us. I sleep better at night knowing that AVP is out there raising awareness and taking care of victims of anti-LGBT crimes.

In this Pride season, I challenge you ? to love yourself a little more than you?re used to, give others a wider berth than you think they need and, most importantly, when you find what you?re good at, except if it?s bullying, don?t shy away from it, lean into it.

Join Will Clark on Wednesday June 20th for the Gay/Lesbian Anti-Violence Project's annual "Fusion" event at XL. Will Clark will be among the honorees for the evening. Honorees also include Folsom Street East and various awesome AVP volunteers. Click here for ticket info for information on this terrific annual event.

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